When death has occurred, often it is difficult to understand the behavior of the bereaved family. Most people cry all the time, others think deep about the dead person and sometimes feel sad. Others still become irritable on the anniversary of a loved one. Maria, whose husband died while she was only thirty-two years old, questioned her own sanity. We are left wondering why the dead have such a hold on the living. The person is gone yet, he or she is still very much a part of the living’s life. Psychologists have engaged themselves in the study of reaction to death. Elizabeth Kubler - Ross points out that the first stage can be denial. The act of denial means that individuals push the idea out of there head as absurd, ludicrous, something that cannot be happening to someone known to them. Denial she points out, needs to be bad. It may even free people to act (1977, 36). Many people function as if they are in a dream. Others go through certain motions, carried along by events. It may be necessary to deny a reality that one is not
ready to acknowledge. Denial, then, has its uses. It gives us time to readjust our thoughts.
Many people become preoccupied with everything that happened the last few days before death. They look for omens, small signs that fore show the death. Many still seek a way to make death part of a pattern. This allows many to restore some order to the world turned upside down. All these responses are perfectly in accord with the normal response of most people when they experience death.
After denial, many people find themselves in a state of depression. Nothing seems to work. The curtain has closed. Hope is gone. No longer can loved ones see him/her again. Depression persists. Many become detached from reality. According to Robert, depression can be based on real or imaginary concerns (1978, 46). When depression persists the mourner may seek professional counseling help. Depression though is a normal stage for the mourner
As discussed earlier in this chapter four, the bereaved persons have questions that may contain all the anger, rage, despair, and frustration that is contained in the secular “Why me? What will happen to me when life ends? What has my life meant?” Which may also be addressing the question of faith. These are inherently issues of the spirit, not issues for the biology or chemistry. Looking at the “why me” question, there is rage against God for allowing death to happen. Or there may be a strong sense of disappointment. The bereaved family or individual may feel that he or she has observed her/his religious life all her/his life and now she or he is abandoned and cheated of the reward she or he expected. Religion is often identified with adherence to a part-
icular set of institutionalized belief systems and for some it has suggestions of the super-
natural. Religion itself plays an important part in the lives of Americans. A Gallup government Census 2001) poll found that 95% of those surveyed believed in God; 68% indicate they were members of a religious institution, and 44% had attended in the past seven days. About 58% of those polled said religion was very important in life. It is at this time that pastoral care to the person or and family is necessary. Survivors have a strong need to search for meaning. They are trying to understand something they cannot understand. One should recognize and understand that their search is justified and necessary ( Kubler - Ross 1980, 154). We may need to ask, what is pastoral care?. Pastoral care is communication of the word of God/Creator or the Supreme. It springs from the living Word of God given to the church. Pastoral care means and is care for the souls of man. Therefore man is the object of pastoral care.
Spirituality is an expression of how the person relates to a larger whole that which an individual perceives as greater than him or herself. The nature of this transcendent purpose can be expressed in different way. It can be expressed through a religious tradition or, perhaps, through a regard for nature. For other persons it may be expressed through connection to the other human family itself or in some other way. Spirituality provides a source of meaning and understanding about the significant of being human. It address the question “Why am I here?” An expression of spirituality can occur without any specific religious belief. Death in most cases shatters conception of the world. Many people feel an insistent hunger for understanding. Why did this happen? By seeking explanations, whether practical o spiritual, we attempt to reduce the terror of loss and reach some inner resolution about it. The pastoral caregivers duty is to make sense of the world.
Buckman asserts, “to support a bereaving family or individuals in their spiritual understanding of death, various things should be put in consideration” (1988, 24). The pastor should decide if he/she is close enough to approach the topic. A person’s/ family’s feelings about religious beliefs are very important and intimate. A pastor or counselor should not open a discussion with the bereaved family about them unless he/she is close to them. Pastoral counselors should remember to be sensitive. They tread delicately as they handle the issue at hand (Death). One should try to decide if bad theology is doing harm to the bereaved family or individuals. This also requires sensitivity and a readiness to listen without leaping to premature judgment or condemnations. If the pastor cannot decide whether or not the family is being helped and supported by their religious beliefs then, he/she should get help. The patient may find a discussion with a chaplain, social worker, and psychotherapist helpful. The pastor should do not take the lead in what the discussion is all about. Honor the family choice. This is not time to impose one’s theology on others. If the family’s religious beliefs happen to differ from the pastors beliefs, as long as they work for them, he/she should honor and support them. Being there and listening is the role of a pastoral caregiver.
One should note that as the pastor gives pastoral support to the family, difference in religious beliefs may sometimes appear to be so fundamental and so divisive that communication is threatened. No religion has a monopoly on truth and morality or has all the answers to life’s questions. So when a family is dealing with death, the pastoral caregiver should be looking at the practical value of the family’s religion as they practice it. The most sincere compliment mourning families can receive is to be listened to without judgment. The pastoral caregiver should take time to be sensitive to the inner need. It makes no difference how often they tell the story, what their faith is, or how much it varies. It is in the involvement of replaying events – struggling to understand and accept within their frame of reference. The pastoral caregiver may not need to speak about faith, or God, but to just be present and listen. Kubler-Ross points out that once the
patient dies, she find it cruel and inappropriate to speak the love of God (1996, 156). Abraham in his book The Art of Listening with Love says, listening to others in a loving, attentive way can transform them and their relationships, and help the speaker to feel better understood (1998, 89).
During the intense last few weeks of life, the physician not only cares for the patient, but often for the spouse and other family. However, after the patient has died, the family continues to need contact from the physician and to a large scale other medical staff. A physician’s responsibility for the care of a patient does not end when the patient dies. There is one more responsibility, to help the bereaved family members. This, however, takes a lot of toll from the physician and his/her staff. Earl observes that “watching patients deteriorates and die in their prime is emotionally draining” (1992 75 ). Kubler – Ross echoes the same thoughts when she says that, “clergy have only recently regained some meaning, some entry, and some role. The clergy deserves a significant place not only in helping the dying patient but in serving as a resource to the patient’s family and, hopefully, to the physician or to other health professionals who are troubled by the burden placed on their shoulders” (1975 14). How then do we take care of the medical staff as they work in such a stressful surrounding? On the other hand, patients who suffer damage at the hands of their physicians often seek compensation through malpractice suits, and physicians and hospitals view such suits as perhaps the only outcomes to be earnestly avoided, than the errors from which they presumably arise. Defensive[1] medicine, in which physicians make treatment decisions not strictly on the basis of what is best for the patient but also in part on the basis of what, will establish the most defensible record of physician behavior.
The other important factor to consider is the common cause of patients or and relatives being dissatisfied with the medical care providers, gap in communication. communication sometimes just gets off on the wrong foot. Considering that the medical care team is expected to provide the best care, they are only part of the team. Patients and family need to make the medical care team understand the needs of the patients so that the right care can be administered.
The increasing cases of medical caregivers breakdown ( Lack of proper communication, because of emotional drain), the spiritual and emotional care that the clergy can provide may significantly affect how the medical team is adversary going to be effective. Spiritual caregivers not only work with patients but also with staff who need support. An objective spiritual team should be able to identify or foresee potential problems among the medical staff and act quickly. The emotional and spiritual needs of the teams need to be addressed by professionals in the area, it is important to remember that the medical caregivers will themselves require spiritual support. The ability of team members properly to minister over the long term may depend on how much they are cared for themselves.
Grief is something silent, like snowflakes falling on a dark winter’s night, but never peaceful or serene or pretty like the pure white snow. When grief is silent, the tears seem to turn to ice, like the snowflakes, before the reach they eyes. Bereavement is sometimes raging, like a monstrous thunderstorm with all its fury and bolts of lightning sticking the hearts of the bereaved family. Bereavement[2] is complex and many people are frightened by it, frightened by feeling it, frightened by seeing it in others (Lighter 1990, 205). It takes time to get over the death of a loved one. On bereavement Kagan points out that, “grief reactions are more introverted reactions, similar to bereavement. This is characterized by more extroverted reactions, similar to mourning” (1998, 91– 92). Bereavement refers to the general state of one who has suffered loss and includes both grief and mourning. Grieving therefore is the work of coming to terms with the fact with the fact that the loved is dead.
Immediately after the death of a loved one, especially if the death was unexpected, the bereaved cannot simply face the loss all alone. As discussed at the beginning of this chapter, many people have periods of denial. Offering bereavement support is a task that has to be done in order for the bereaved to be successful in adjusting to the loss. Readjusting to the new world without the loved one takes a great patience and much practice. It is achieved painfully step- by step, as one gradually continues to come to grips with that person not being in one’s life as he was before. However, recovery from bereavement can only be partial, never complete: Many things are lost, many things are changed for both better and worse they are never the same (Shuchter 1998, 298).Rando agrees with this view when he points out that, “If the person you lost was truly significant to you, grief is not usually resolved in the sense of being finished and completely settled forever” (1984, 225).
When a loved one is dead, the severing family will have to find a way to make up for what is lost through death (The love one).They either compensate in some way for what they have lost or their desire for what they wanted or needed, that now is unfulfilled. The bereaved must confront the reality of their loss and learn to cope successfully with the onslaught of feelings that naturally accompany loss. The bereaved must achieved some balance that allows them to experience their pain, sense of loss loneliness, fear, anger, guilt, and sadness. It is true that during the early weeks of one’s grief, when the realization of loss has come true, it is accompanied by painful emotions; the bereaved are usually in such a state of mental and emotional upheaval that questions of acceptance barely occur in them. As a result, the bereaved have to change emotional investment in the deceased and accommodate to the fact of not being there. It means that the emotional energy that one had invested in the deceased is readjusted to allow one to direct it towards others who can reciprocate it in an ongoing fashion for emotional satisfaction (Rando 1984, 230).
Psychologically, we are incapable of relinquishing all the bonds, connections, and ties that are a part of our most intimate relationships. While at the hospital as a chaplain, was called to give emotional support to a woman who had lost her husband of forty years. The first words that she said were, “how am I going to get along without him?” The bereaved person must be emotionally prepared to live with an altered relationship with the dead spouse. The woman in this case was not prepared emotionally. While many of the bereaved continue their relationships with family and friends in much the same way after their spouses’ death, it is difficult to imagine a situation where no change occurs (Shuchter 1986, 302). Learning to live alone or feeling alone after the death of a loved one is part of the process of death
There are a number of signs, which can signal that different people need professional help in their bereavement. This is always dependent upon the unique characteristics of the particular griever, the specific death and what it means to the griever and the social and Physical factors influencing the mourner’s grief. Ross Betsy, says that to help the grievers accomplish it is being willing to listen to their story over and over. We desperately need the help of friends in getting through bereavement. Human beings are not animals and they need the support of people who love them and accept ups and down. Bender contends that friends can help those who have lost a loved one simply by acknowledging the importance of their grief. Friends of the bereaved can offer support in a number of ways (Bender 1998 123). `
As with other aspects of bereavement and grief, the answer is extremely personal. Some people find solace in work or play; others seek out companions; still others withdraw for a while. Each of these responses to loss makes sense to some degree. We need companionship. We need solitude. Ultimately, we must return to the outside world and all its complex ways of involving us. Some people, on experiencing the confusion that often follows a death, seek counseling or therapy to help them deal with their situation. Unfortunately some people dismiss the possibility out of hand. However most people who seek therapy during bereavement are dealing with at least issue of death.
Therapy during the grief process serves much the same purposes as it does under other circumstances. It allows one to express emotions. It provides a place for clarifying problems and exploring possible solutions. Therapists have many methods of helping clients deal with bereavement. One-to- one is often helpful during the grief process. Our concern however is what is referred to bereavement group. Myers in his book When Parent Die calls them grief workshop, bereavement seminars, mourning clinics, (1986). Despite their numerous titles, these groups all provide some form of group therapy or consciousness-raising; some stress self-help and are a form of peer counseling. Most are organized groups. Candlelighters is a non profit organization with emphasis on promoting an emotional support system to each other (Donnelly 1984, 240).The bereavement group does in fact seem to provide the safe place in which those grieving want to participants in the group will find themselves able to feel and express what has seemed embarrassing or even forbidden elsewhere.
Just as hospice care often meets special needs of the dying, the bereavement support groups meet special needs of the bereaved. In addition, bereavement groups often serve a function beyond that of one-to-one therapy, to provide a sense of common experience and support among people going through substantial changes in their lives. If one has
been fortunate enough to know those who have had successful experiences in treatment in the past, a personal referral is always the best to have. Profession organizations, on the other hand, are the next option. Rando advise that family service agencies, hospitals, community service programs, mental health clinics, and college or university counseling centers are among other resources one could turn to for the name of professionals servicing a specific area (Rando 1988, 308).
These organizational structures by professionals are created to address the multiple levels of need as it is experienced by the bereaved. The group should meet once a week to share stories and listen to one another. Like many other support groups, this group should operate as a forum for examining bereaved experiences. The smaller the group the better for individuals, for they will feel free to speak or only listen. The small group will serve as an entry to the larger the organization. However, the focus of this group is to understand and cope with their experiences, and their efforts to provide support and reassurance to each other. According to Myers, “All we do is to create a safe place for people to express whatever they feel during their grief. We set it up so that people can responds in a way that will be helpful to them” (1986, 34). When such a group is set, the focus will be oriented to the emotional turmoil of the members. In the author’s parish ministry several years ago, he was part of a ministers’ team that had created a senior single mothers fellowship. The group met once a month to talk about issues that they face
as mothers caring for a family without the prospect of marrying. Members of this group showed great respect for the pain that each experienced as a single mother, and the need to talk about such feelings as sexual orientation were open. Like in bereavement group, themes initiated by one person’s internal stress were developed throughout the group. As a minister facilitator there is no problem of bringing people in the sport light by asking questions or asking them to contribute, they responded to each other positively. Shuchter points out that, “even in bereavement group, the therapist’s task is like that of a facilitator, although this task is frequently assumed by other members of the group” (1986, 330). Together the group came up with positive way of living right.
These groups can be wonderfully therapeutic in assisting each individual in them in mourning. They do not, however, replace in-depth professional assistance if is warranted, but they are uniquely supportive. They encourage, provide important information and accurate norms, and transmit advice, concrete guidance, and practical suggestions for dealing with bereavement. Schuchter observes that, “to be determined is the relative therapeutic efficacy of support groups in contrast to individual therapy for the bereaved” (1986, 332). When one is determined to deal with bereavement, Rando agrees with Schuchter by asserting that, “this can be quite helpful, since there are few sources of information in our society about how to be a mourner. Further he says that these groups can offer one the added benefits of opportunities to assist others. He further says, this helps one to break out of the passive victim’s role of bereavement. As a member of these groups one can get the unconditional acceptance and feelings of belonging that other members of the society may withhold the from the bereaved individual ” (1988, 311). See
Appendix 1.
[1] Treatment administered to the comfort of the patient.
[2] Bereavement is the state of being deprived after a love one’s death.
ready to acknowledge. Denial, then, has its uses. It gives us time to readjust our thoughts.
Many people become preoccupied with everything that happened the last few days before death. They look for omens, small signs that fore show the death. Many still seek a way to make death part of a pattern. This allows many to restore some order to the world turned upside down. All these responses are perfectly in accord with the normal response of most people when they experience death.
After denial, many people find themselves in a state of depression. Nothing seems to work. The curtain has closed. Hope is gone. No longer can loved ones see him/her again. Depression persists. Many become detached from reality. According to Robert, depression can be based on real or imaginary concerns (1978, 46). When depression persists the mourner may seek professional counseling help. Depression though is a normal stage for the mourner
As discussed earlier in this chapter four, the bereaved persons have questions that may contain all the anger, rage, despair, and frustration that is contained in the secular “Why me? What will happen to me when life ends? What has my life meant?” Which may also be addressing the question of faith. These are inherently issues of the spirit, not issues for the biology or chemistry. Looking at the “why me” question, there is rage against God for allowing death to happen. Or there may be a strong sense of disappointment. The bereaved family or individual may feel that he or she has observed her/his religious life all her/his life and now she or he is abandoned and cheated of the reward she or he expected. Religion is often identified with adherence to a part-
icular set of institutionalized belief systems and for some it has suggestions of the super-
natural. Religion itself plays an important part in the lives of Americans. A Gallup government Census 2001) poll found that 95% of those surveyed believed in God; 68% indicate they were members of a religious institution, and 44% had attended in the past seven days. About 58% of those polled said religion was very important in life. It is at this time that pastoral care to the person or and family is necessary. Survivors have a strong need to search for meaning. They are trying to understand something they cannot understand. One should recognize and understand that their search is justified and necessary ( Kubler - Ross 1980, 154). We may need to ask, what is pastoral care?. Pastoral care is communication of the word of God/Creator or the Supreme. It springs from the living Word of God given to the church. Pastoral care means and is care for the souls of man. Therefore man is the object of pastoral care.
Spirituality is an expression of how the person relates to a larger whole that which an individual perceives as greater than him or herself. The nature of this transcendent purpose can be expressed in different way. It can be expressed through a religious tradition or, perhaps, through a regard for nature. For other persons it may be expressed through connection to the other human family itself or in some other way. Spirituality provides a source of meaning and understanding about the significant of being human. It address the question “Why am I here?” An expression of spirituality can occur without any specific religious belief. Death in most cases shatters conception of the world. Many people feel an insistent hunger for understanding. Why did this happen? By seeking explanations, whether practical o spiritual, we attempt to reduce the terror of loss and reach some inner resolution about it. The pastoral caregivers duty is to make sense of the world.
Buckman asserts, “to support a bereaving family or individuals in their spiritual understanding of death, various things should be put in consideration” (1988, 24). The pastor should decide if he/she is close enough to approach the topic. A person’s/ family’s feelings about religious beliefs are very important and intimate. A pastor or counselor should not open a discussion with the bereaved family about them unless he/she is close to them. Pastoral counselors should remember to be sensitive. They tread delicately as they handle the issue at hand (Death). One should try to decide if bad theology is doing harm to the bereaved family or individuals. This also requires sensitivity and a readiness to listen without leaping to premature judgment or condemnations. If the pastor cannot decide whether or not the family is being helped and supported by their religious beliefs then, he/she should get help. The patient may find a discussion with a chaplain, social worker, and psychotherapist helpful. The pastor should do not take the lead in what the discussion is all about. Honor the family choice. This is not time to impose one’s theology on others. If the family’s religious beliefs happen to differ from the pastors beliefs, as long as they work for them, he/she should honor and support them. Being there and listening is the role of a pastoral caregiver.
One should note that as the pastor gives pastoral support to the family, difference in religious beliefs may sometimes appear to be so fundamental and so divisive that communication is threatened. No religion has a monopoly on truth and morality or has all the answers to life’s questions. So when a family is dealing with death, the pastoral caregiver should be looking at the practical value of the family’s religion as they practice it. The most sincere compliment mourning families can receive is to be listened to without judgment. The pastoral caregiver should take time to be sensitive to the inner need. It makes no difference how often they tell the story, what their faith is, or how much it varies. It is in the involvement of replaying events – struggling to understand and accept within their frame of reference. The pastoral caregiver may not need to speak about faith, or God, but to just be present and listen. Kubler-Ross points out that once the
patient dies, she find it cruel and inappropriate to speak the love of God (1996, 156). Abraham in his book The Art of Listening with Love says, listening to others in a loving, attentive way can transform them and their relationships, and help the speaker to feel better understood (1998, 89).
During the intense last few weeks of life, the physician not only cares for the patient, but often for the spouse and other family. However, after the patient has died, the family continues to need contact from the physician and to a large scale other medical staff. A physician’s responsibility for the care of a patient does not end when the patient dies. There is one more responsibility, to help the bereaved family members. This, however, takes a lot of toll from the physician and his/her staff. Earl observes that “watching patients deteriorates and die in their prime is emotionally draining” (1992 75 ). Kubler – Ross echoes the same thoughts when she says that, “clergy have only recently regained some meaning, some entry, and some role. The clergy deserves a significant place not only in helping the dying patient but in serving as a resource to the patient’s family and, hopefully, to the physician or to other health professionals who are troubled by the burden placed on their shoulders” (1975 14). How then do we take care of the medical staff as they work in such a stressful surrounding? On the other hand, patients who suffer damage at the hands of their physicians often seek compensation through malpractice suits, and physicians and hospitals view such suits as perhaps the only outcomes to be earnestly avoided, than the errors from which they presumably arise. Defensive[1] medicine, in which physicians make treatment decisions not strictly on the basis of what is best for the patient but also in part on the basis of what, will establish the most defensible record of physician behavior.
The other important factor to consider is the common cause of patients or and relatives being dissatisfied with the medical care providers, gap in communication. communication sometimes just gets off on the wrong foot. Considering that the medical care team is expected to provide the best care, they are only part of the team. Patients and family need to make the medical care team understand the needs of the patients so that the right care can be administered.
The increasing cases of medical caregivers breakdown ( Lack of proper communication, because of emotional drain), the spiritual and emotional care that the clergy can provide may significantly affect how the medical team is adversary going to be effective. Spiritual caregivers not only work with patients but also with staff who need support. An objective spiritual team should be able to identify or foresee potential problems among the medical staff and act quickly. The emotional and spiritual needs of the teams need to be addressed by professionals in the area, it is important to remember that the medical caregivers will themselves require spiritual support. The ability of team members properly to minister over the long term may depend on how much they are cared for themselves.
Grief is something silent, like snowflakes falling on a dark winter’s night, but never peaceful or serene or pretty like the pure white snow. When grief is silent, the tears seem to turn to ice, like the snowflakes, before the reach they eyes. Bereavement is sometimes raging, like a monstrous thunderstorm with all its fury and bolts of lightning sticking the hearts of the bereaved family. Bereavement[2] is complex and many people are frightened by it, frightened by feeling it, frightened by seeing it in others (Lighter 1990, 205). It takes time to get over the death of a loved one. On bereavement Kagan points out that, “grief reactions are more introverted reactions, similar to bereavement. This is characterized by more extroverted reactions, similar to mourning” (1998, 91– 92). Bereavement refers to the general state of one who has suffered loss and includes both grief and mourning. Grieving therefore is the work of coming to terms with the fact with the fact that the loved is dead.
Immediately after the death of a loved one, especially if the death was unexpected, the bereaved cannot simply face the loss all alone. As discussed at the beginning of this chapter, many people have periods of denial. Offering bereavement support is a task that has to be done in order for the bereaved to be successful in adjusting to the loss. Readjusting to the new world without the loved one takes a great patience and much practice. It is achieved painfully step- by step, as one gradually continues to come to grips with that person not being in one’s life as he was before. However, recovery from bereavement can only be partial, never complete: Many things are lost, many things are changed for both better and worse they are never the same (Shuchter 1998, 298).Rando agrees with this view when he points out that, “If the person you lost was truly significant to you, grief is not usually resolved in the sense of being finished and completely settled forever” (1984, 225).
When a loved one is dead, the severing family will have to find a way to make up for what is lost through death (The love one).They either compensate in some way for what they have lost or their desire for what they wanted or needed, that now is unfulfilled. The bereaved must confront the reality of their loss and learn to cope successfully with the onslaught of feelings that naturally accompany loss. The bereaved must achieved some balance that allows them to experience their pain, sense of loss loneliness, fear, anger, guilt, and sadness. It is true that during the early weeks of one’s grief, when the realization of loss has come true, it is accompanied by painful emotions; the bereaved are usually in such a state of mental and emotional upheaval that questions of acceptance barely occur in them. As a result, the bereaved have to change emotional investment in the deceased and accommodate to the fact of not being there. It means that the emotional energy that one had invested in the deceased is readjusted to allow one to direct it towards others who can reciprocate it in an ongoing fashion for emotional satisfaction (Rando 1984, 230).
Psychologically, we are incapable of relinquishing all the bonds, connections, and ties that are a part of our most intimate relationships. While at the hospital as a chaplain, was called to give emotional support to a woman who had lost her husband of forty years. The first words that she said were, “how am I going to get along without him?” The bereaved person must be emotionally prepared to live with an altered relationship with the dead spouse. The woman in this case was not prepared emotionally. While many of the bereaved continue their relationships with family and friends in much the same way after their spouses’ death, it is difficult to imagine a situation where no change occurs (Shuchter 1986, 302). Learning to live alone or feeling alone after the death of a loved one is part of the process of death
There are a number of signs, which can signal that different people need professional help in their bereavement. This is always dependent upon the unique characteristics of the particular griever, the specific death and what it means to the griever and the social and Physical factors influencing the mourner’s grief. Ross Betsy, says that to help the grievers accomplish it is being willing to listen to their story over and over. We desperately need the help of friends in getting through bereavement. Human beings are not animals and they need the support of people who love them and accept ups and down. Bender contends that friends can help those who have lost a loved one simply by acknowledging the importance of their grief. Friends of the bereaved can offer support in a number of ways (Bender 1998 123). `
As with other aspects of bereavement and grief, the answer is extremely personal. Some people find solace in work or play; others seek out companions; still others withdraw for a while. Each of these responses to loss makes sense to some degree. We need companionship. We need solitude. Ultimately, we must return to the outside world and all its complex ways of involving us. Some people, on experiencing the confusion that often follows a death, seek counseling or therapy to help them deal with their situation. Unfortunately some people dismiss the possibility out of hand. However most people who seek therapy during bereavement are dealing with at least issue of death.
Therapy during the grief process serves much the same purposes as it does under other circumstances. It allows one to express emotions. It provides a place for clarifying problems and exploring possible solutions. Therapists have many methods of helping clients deal with bereavement. One-to- one is often helpful during the grief process. Our concern however is what is referred to bereavement group. Myers in his book When Parent Die calls them grief workshop, bereavement seminars, mourning clinics, (1986). Despite their numerous titles, these groups all provide some form of group therapy or consciousness-raising; some stress self-help and are a form of peer counseling. Most are organized groups. Candlelighters is a non profit organization with emphasis on promoting an emotional support system to each other (Donnelly 1984, 240).The bereavement group does in fact seem to provide the safe place in which those grieving want to participants in the group will find themselves able to feel and express what has seemed embarrassing or even forbidden elsewhere.
Just as hospice care often meets special needs of the dying, the bereavement support groups meet special needs of the bereaved. In addition, bereavement groups often serve a function beyond that of one-to-one therapy, to provide a sense of common experience and support among people going through substantial changes in their lives. If one has
been fortunate enough to know those who have had successful experiences in treatment in the past, a personal referral is always the best to have. Profession organizations, on the other hand, are the next option. Rando advise that family service agencies, hospitals, community service programs, mental health clinics, and college or university counseling centers are among other resources one could turn to for the name of professionals servicing a specific area (Rando 1988, 308).
These organizational structures by professionals are created to address the multiple levels of need as it is experienced by the bereaved. The group should meet once a week to share stories and listen to one another. Like many other support groups, this group should operate as a forum for examining bereaved experiences. The smaller the group the better for individuals, for they will feel free to speak or only listen. The small group will serve as an entry to the larger the organization. However, the focus of this group is to understand and cope with their experiences, and their efforts to provide support and reassurance to each other. According to Myers, “All we do is to create a safe place for people to express whatever they feel during their grief. We set it up so that people can responds in a way that will be helpful to them” (1986, 34). When such a group is set, the focus will be oriented to the emotional turmoil of the members. In the author’s parish ministry several years ago, he was part of a ministers’ team that had created a senior single mothers fellowship. The group met once a month to talk about issues that they face
as mothers caring for a family without the prospect of marrying. Members of this group showed great respect for the pain that each experienced as a single mother, and the need to talk about such feelings as sexual orientation were open. Like in bereavement group, themes initiated by one person’s internal stress were developed throughout the group. As a minister facilitator there is no problem of bringing people in the sport light by asking questions or asking them to contribute, they responded to each other positively. Shuchter points out that, “even in bereavement group, the therapist’s task is like that of a facilitator, although this task is frequently assumed by other members of the group” (1986, 330). Together the group came up with positive way of living right.
These groups can be wonderfully therapeutic in assisting each individual in them in mourning. They do not, however, replace in-depth professional assistance if is warranted, but they are uniquely supportive. They encourage, provide important information and accurate norms, and transmit advice, concrete guidance, and practical suggestions for dealing with bereavement. Schuchter observes that, “to be determined is the relative therapeutic efficacy of support groups in contrast to individual therapy for the bereaved” (1986, 332). When one is determined to deal with bereavement, Rando agrees with Schuchter by asserting that, “this can be quite helpful, since there are few sources of information in our society about how to be a mourner. Further he says that these groups can offer one the added benefits of opportunities to assist others. He further says, this helps one to break out of the passive victim’s role of bereavement. As a member of these groups one can get the unconditional acceptance and feelings of belonging that other members of the society may withhold the from the bereaved individual ” (1988, 311). See
Appendix 1.
[1] Treatment administered to the comfort of the patient.
[2] Bereavement is the state of being deprived after a love one’s death.
