Unique Needs of the Dying

Digging Deeper -

In my paper "Pastoral Care to the dying and their families," I pointed out that when people are experiencing death they know that their time has come to a close. In the following pages, I want to highlight the needs of the dying.

The dying has the need to be treated as a living human being. Death comes in a single moment and not a minute before, but too often we begin to regard a person who is dying as less than living. It is important for us to see each patient as the unique individual that they are right up to the moment of their death.ElizabethKubler Rose points out that the greatest gift a dying person can be given is dignity at death.

The need to maintain a sense of hopefulness, however changing its focus may be. While many cultures and faith traditions believe in life after death, most dying people want reassurance at death that death is part of life. A sense of hopefulness is critical to living and dying. While a patient may need to abandon their hope for a cure, they do not have to let their sense of hopefulness die. They can reframe what they hope for, each in their own way. A patient can hope that they will not lose control over their life as the end nears. They can hope that their caregivers can manage their dying. They can hope that their loved ones will be able to carry on without them. They can hope that they won't be alone. As a hospital chaplain the author has ministered to many dying patients who need to be assured that all will be well for them when the curtain closes on them. The assurance helps the dying to die with hope that their death has someone to manage it.

The need to be cared for by those who can maintain a sense of hopefulness, however changing this may be. It is not always easy to find health care professionals who will help a patient maintain a sense of hope. Sometimes, the patient may have to do a little work. Hope is our companion in life and death; it is important not to take this away from our patients.

The need to express feelings and emotions about death in one's own way. One of the greatest gifts we can offer to a person who is dying is to listen to what they have to say, allowing them to speak freely without contradiction or interruption. The need to express our feelings is universal, and as death approaches, the need to share and speak from the heart grows. Allowing a person to express their thoughts about dying can make the last chapter of their lives profoundly meaningful.

The need to participate in decisions concerning one's care. A patient always should be allowed to participate in making decisions about all aspects of their care, including, when possible, how and where they want to die. Dying on one's own terms, however, requires forethought, advance planning and communication.

The need to be cared for by compassionate, sensitive, knowledgeable people who will attempt to understand one's needs. These people include physicians and other members of the medical team and caretakers. People who are dying need tender, loving care and caregivers who will honor their needs. How a person dies reflects their caregiver's beliefs more than their own.

The need to expect continuing medical care, even though the goals may change from cure to comfort goals. As disease progresses, a patient's priorities and needs are very likely to change from those at the time of their diagnosis. Goals change and earlier decisions may no longer apply. The priorities of a person with end-stage disease will be different from those they had when first diagnosed.

The need to have all questions answered honestly and fully. The medical team must be able to provide answers to questions in terms that a patient understands. A patient should never be afraid to keep asking for clarification until they understand what the doctors are telling them.

The need to seek spirituality. The quest for spirituality is a search for a place of peace and safety. Many people begin to look for this place in the final chapters of their lives. Some use religion; others take different paths. A patient should be allowed to seek their answers in their own way and to be able to call upon others for guidance or help.

The need to be free of physical pain. No one should have to live in pain or die in pain. Patients and their loved ones should know that we now have very effective pain management. For medical professionals, pain should be the fifth vital sign. It is very important, since pain is purely subjective, to believe the patient's reports of pain.

The need to express feelings and emotions about pain in one's own way. It is normal for people who have a life-threatening illness to experience depression and anger. They often have strong feelings about pain and fear. It is important that they be able to express these feelings to someone who will listen. Sometimes, just talking about these feelings -- venting -- can help a person manage them better. At other times, other underlying issues, which a professional usually can identify and help a patient address, may be present. Depression and other strong emotions are appropriate at this time of life, and ant depressive medications should not be used without a complete investigation by the physician to make sure they are warranted.

The need of children to participate in death. We teach children by our examples. As they watch us, they have the opportunity to see and learn about life's components and the roles that love, humor, fear, compassion and other emotions play in living a full life. We try, however, to protect them from death and exclude them from this process. Most children can benefit from understanding death as a natural part of life and from being included in the dying process of a family member or other loved one. Patients will often ask us if it is appropriate for children to see illness. I believe it is, as long as it is accompanied with appropriate explanations.

The need to understand the process of death. We rarely talk about the physical, biological process of death, and little has been written about it. Many people have appeared to struggle, but some researchers believe that the body releases endorphins, special hormones that block pain and give one a sense of tranquillity and joy, during these final moments. No two deaths are exactly alike. We all have different needs, and a patient may have a need to understand what goes on as the body winds down.

The need to die in peace and dignity. Death for many often is like a storm, and insuring peace and dignity can be difficult. Family members and loved ones often must act on the patient's behalf to make sure that death is managed in a dignified way and in keeping with the patient's desires.

The need not to die alone. Most people are afraid of dying alone, but this does not have to happen. We can allow visiting around the clock in hospitals and intensive care units. We can lift restrictions to just close family members -- but only if the patient desires.

The need to expect that the sanctity of the body will be respected after death. When life leaves the body, we must still treat that body as a representation of the person who was there and continue to respect it. To the extent that arrangements can be planned and shared in advance, they will provide great comfort to both the patient and their survivors.

Sources:

http://www.lastactspartnersip.org/index

Frauser, M, Lo, K, & Kelly, R. (21996). Spiritual care. Trainer Certification Program [Manual]. Largo, FL: Hospice Institute of the Florida Suncoast

The End-of-Life Nursing Education Consortium (ELNEC)

The Wheel of Life, Elizabeth Kubler-Rose

Workshop for chaplains at TMC by Kessler - the co-author of - Life Lessons, Student of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, author - On Death and Dying.

OBMC:Chaplain E.Kaburu Kei09

Summary and Reaction to "LUTHER" the DVD

The opening part of the film resembles the conversion of Saul to Paul - Acts 9: 23-24. Luther’s experience of meeting God stands out from the beginning to the end of the film. The film begins with Luther’s father coming to church with a host of other people. Most probably members of his family. Luther is at the Alter. Luther is nervous and he does not seem to have courage as he consecrates the Lord’s Table. He spills the elements which can be considered unholy thing to do. Seemingly this is his first mass celebration. Later in the film Luther says he does not feel adequate to become a priest. This explains why he is nervous.

The film follows with traditions/rites, which Luther seems not to accept at this early stage of priesthood. A case that is vivid here is pilgrimage to the shrine. Although we see him as a pilgrim, he seems to be "lost", standing without a word or doing anything. He later said “I felt like a fool to pray”

Luther argued that salvation is not only in the Roman Catholic as it was the teaching of the church during his time. He opposed the lyrics and the veneration of the same. The film further shows church advocating for people to buy their everlasting life, and also buy for them that are in purgatory. The sales of indulgences were Popes way of collecting money to run the church. Luther was opposed to this citing that no one can buy redemption from God. Preachers are seen selling the indulgence to people which Luther condemned. These preachers neglected the teaching of the bible as it were, and expounded on the coin that was paid to redeem a soul. Luther felt that Christians were not being led in the right direction as far as seeking forgiveness was concerned.

As a result, Luther prepared his 95 thesis to counteract the indulgence’s teaching and pinned them at the door of the church. His argument was that indulgence can't save people from their sins. Luther criticized the Archbishop,the Pope and the powers of the church, which had consequences of him being excommunheicated.

Luther seemed to enjoy support from his faculty, and students at the university. On matters of social life Luther seemed to be concerned with the struggles of everyday life. A good example here is when we see him hugging a young crippled girl.

Because of his 95 thesis, he was asked to recant “revoco” which he refused saying “my conscience is captive to the word of God.” Luther could not recant for he considered this, as something he would not do without “selling” his soul. He appeared before the Bishop, and we see him standing his ground in support of his thesis, which he said he was out to “seek the truth.” He was considered heretic who is preaching dangerous doctrines. At this time his canonical father denounced him.

The authorities that were (Emperor, Archbishops, and bishops) seek to deliver Luther to Rome to be tried by the Pope. This was after lengthy negotiations that finally came to conclusion that he is going to be protected. By this time Luther had become so popular among his acquaintances. We see him being mobbed whenever he goes. Also in the court hearing he seems to have a lot of support from his followers.

Next we see him in the “court” of Rome. Again we see him not willing to recant citing that he needed biblical prove that he was wrong on what he was preaching. Luther seemed to argue in the light of the scripture while the bishop were arguing in light of church tradition. Luther felt that church tradition should not be over scripture. For him to recant was injury to the divine word and danger to his soul. He argued with Pope to an extent of questioning the power that the Pope has over purgatory. Having considered as an heretic with potential to cause division in the church, his thesis were torched. In revenge Luther organized a student’s campaign, which put into fire papal bull a document that was written to condemn him and his thesis.

By now protests were sporadic and more deadly. Luther laments that over 100,000 peasants have died. Images/ relics, stained glass windows that stood as idols were destroyed. Luther was “a theologian who could never draw a sword." Almost at the close of the film, Luther marries Katherine who is a run away Nun, but even though, family did not seem to hinder his course. The Luther fire spread so fast and the Roman church was at a verge of division. Luther’s accomplishments include translating the NT in Germany language, also marring Katherine, which comes at the close of the film. (This was a turning point for the church, for priests were not allowed to marry)

Authors reaction to the film.

This is a great film to watch in order to grasp what Luther the reformer did for the now called protestant church who enjoy the freedom of worship. It is a drama that unfolds to bring the light to the church where hierarchy seemed to mislead congregants.

Luther has sound theology in his argument and unlike the papacy; his argument is based in the word of God. He threw out the tradition of the church wanting to introduce freedom to people rather than have them "blind folded" by the Pope and the church in general. Every argument that Luther had was based in the scripture rather than traditions and practices of the church, which he noted are wrong, but the scriptures are true. One of the major teachings that Luther emphasized was that indulgences cannot buy people’s salvation but faith in Jesus.

Since the Papacy had established itself so firmly, the hierarchy had the power to hold people captive. They were using the church as a vehicle of confusion neglecting the scriptures that became a thorn in the flesh for Luther. Luther was provoked to write to the powers that be, to ask them to correct the problems that were facing the church. Luther's boldness was a tool to communicate his views with the general Roman Catholic church leadership. He in fact attacked the Pope for not giving people freedom seek God themselves.

We see him a man of great courage. He is in fact a novice who has just begun his ministry in the Roman Catholic Church, but he “takes the bull by its horns.” He denounces the advice that his canonical father had given him. He went a step further by facing the “Court” and he was not cowed by the threat that was put before him. He faces the dangers of being excommunicated, but he would rather face it as an agent of change rather than compromise. At the hearing, he stood by the fact that he can't recant, for what he had written was his belief. His pressing on had its own repercussions, but he never retreated.

Luther was a preacher of change. His charisma moved people whenever he stood to either teach or preach. This is seen at Worms were he was summoned for trial. He led people in the church to see that no power that can silence him. The reviewer see Luther as an evangelical preacher aimed to bring change in the church and the whole wolrd. He was an evangelist of his time. We can only liken him with people like Bonke, Benny Hinn, or and Martin Luther King JR , and Mandela of South Africa. Although he was branded a heretic, his teachings brought great revolution in the way the church teahes her parishners. He was on the other hand considered an out law by the authority of the church, however, because of his vision, and eloquence in public address, they declared him a hero. We are grateful that Luther was full of charisma, sound theology, and courage that gave birth to protestant faith.

The review would however want to challenge the scenes of this movie. This is a film depicting what happen during the 15th and 16th centuries, which gave birth to the protestant church. The reviewer observes that most of the scenes are up to date with the 21-st century Language, gears/costumes which makes the film not to capture the reality of the days of the great revolution. However, the film has a strong message to the protestant believes, roots, faith, dogma and doctrines if you may. The reviewer recomment this movie to all students of church history both protestants and Catholics.

The Reformation with John Calvin and Martin Luther

Great Reformers

The protestant Reformation of the sixteenth century was not an accident. The late fifteenth century and the early sixteenth century were a fertile ground for religious upheaval. This time is considered as a time of revolutionary. This was a time when not only ecclesiastical and religious reforms were taking place, but much more was seen within the Church.

The protestant Reformation found in its time many elements of support which had been lacking before. At this time the Reformation stood at the center of attention. Also at this time civilization was attributed to the Reformation that was taking place at this time in history (sixteenth century). It is often said that Martin Luther paved way for the modern authoritarianism, particularly in the political sphere by opposing the radical and economical movements of his time and by his encouragement of political authority in the new evangelical churches.[1]

Although Calvin is seen as the most important systematizer of the protestant theology in the sixteenth century, he was born several years after Luther who was considered as a trailblazer in the Reformation movement. He was more concerned with the doctrine which could bring the Protestants together as a unified body. Luther on the other hand was pushed for salvation and justification which he taught came by faith. However, Calvin was more involved in the totality
of the Christian person, thus did not follow too much of Luther’s Justification. When Calvin appeared in the scene of history, he was considered as a member of the second order generation of protestant Reformation. In contrast to Luther, Calvin did not have to plow new religious grounds. He could rely upon what those who had preceded him had already stated and affirmed.

The Reformation led by the reformers produces new types of churches. Their character was determined by many factors, among which the religious factor was one. But it is good to note that the impetus that brought them to being was the reformers conception of the church. As said earlier the times were ripe for church. In the cause of discoveries, and development, the Reformation entered into a connection with these new cultural trends and thus became a factor in the modern phase of civilization.[2]

[1] Pauck Wilhelm. The heritage of the Reformation. (Oxford University Press, 1961) p4

[2] In one of Luther’s earliest extent letters there is a statement concerning his attitude n to the theology which gives an entirely personal view reflecting the circumstances of his work at that period

FIREPROOF- Video Report: A must see for couples.

Rated PG

This video is about a heroic fire captain who values dedication and service to others above all else. Caleb lectures to his men that "you never leave your partner behind". But the most important partnership in his life, his marriage, is about to go up in smoke. ( He is in the middle of a fight with his wife, Catherine about their marriage).This is a story about his desire to transform his life and marriage through healing power of faith, which leads him to embrace the fire man's code: "Never Leave Your Partner Behind"

Catherine works as public relations at a local hospital, and finds her job and work relationships far more fulfilling than spending time with Caleb. Their marriage is about to fail. Both deal with separate finances, separate dreams and, at times, separate bedrooms. This in itself is a recipe for failure. Catherine is preparing to enter divorce proceedings. She pulls the trigger and gets a divorce attorney. Caleb's father make suggestion to his son, an offer to have 40 days of reflection, where Caleb is required to do something different each day to bring love back in home. Will this be a marriage saving plan for Caleb? If yes, is Caleb's heart really in this effort?

Caleb is skeptical, about the 40 days plan/reflections and give it half-hearted try and gets half-hearted results. Will he do the plan with the same integrity with which he leads his crew? Only when it appears that things are too late does Caleb devote more of himself to the effort, and by then, Catherine doubts the motives behind the change. Will Caleb be able to demonstrate love over and over again to a person who's no longer receptive to his love? Or is this just another marriage destined to go up in smoke?

Fireproof has a solid message about the importance of marriage. Something that is particularly vital in a society especially in this age when many marriages end in divorce. Caleb is a hero to many; he saves lives and risks his own on a regular basis to save others. This is clear as one watches the video. Will he be a hero at home?

It’s a must-see for couples who want ideas for strengthening their marriage vows.

Will he manage to save marriage with the same vigor that he uses to save people as a fire captain and a supervisor?It’s a must-see for couples who want ideas for strengthening their love.
How do we deal with anger and lack of forgiveness in marriage? Caleb exhibits his anger differently. He destroys household equipments as seen in the movie. What does God offer to a couple to bring healing and hope? Is forgiveness something to think about? What does it mean to truly believe in Christ and be fully committed in marriage?

As one watches this emotional simple movie, one thinks that it may be too late for both Caleb and Catherine to save their marriage. Can a person really fireproof a relationship? No! It is not too late for Caleb to accept the love of God which his father describes to him (Caleb) as unconditional love. His father explains that Jesus died for him (Caleb) and that he needs forgiveness. Caleb accepts Jesus and this is the turning point for him, and there comes restoration in his marriage.

Ethics in Pastoral Ministry - BooK Report

Gula, Richard M S.S. Ethics in Pastoral Ministry: New York/ Mahwah, N.J: Paulist press, 1996.166 pp.

Richard M. Gula, SS. is professor of moral theology at St. Patrick’s Seminary in Menlo Park, California. He is a well know teacher, presenter, and pastoral minister. He has authored other books and articles, including, The call of Holiness: Embracing a fully Christian life, Reason Informed by Faith, The good life: Where Morality and Spirituality Converge, Euthanasia: Moral and Pastoral Perspective, To Work Together Again: The sacrament of Reconciliation, What they say about moral norms, and What They say About Euthanasia.

Ethics in Pastoral Ministry is a book for pastoral ministers who serve the church in a professional ministerial capacity. The author’s aim is to offer a theological-ethical framework for reflecting on the moral responsibility of pastoral ministry as a profession. He presents the theological foundation of ethics in pastoral ministry .He develops same aspects relevant to the moral dimensions of the pastoral ministry. He applies his framework to two critical boundary issues: sexuality and confidentiality. The author further makes a tentative proposal for a limited “Code of professional ministerial responsibility” which has no endorsement by the church p 7.

The author observes that from a theological point of view, a moral ministry must be closely related to experiences of God and convictions about God. Moral responsibilities in ministry are not merely by the social conventions of being, but God authorizes and legitimates morality. He points out that to recognize God as the source and goal of moral striving gives direction to the moral life. Thus seeing the centre and to hold to it as the horizon within which ministers can be able to see the moral dimensions of the ministry.

The author asserts that there is no other profession where the medium and the message are so closely tied together but the ministry. The minister’s effectiveness is judged by the congruence of beliefs, personal life, and performance with the Christian message. How a minister performs in his or her profession role depends a great deal on who they are. Therefore the author suggests that the first step in constructing an ethical framework for pastoral ministry is to give careful attention to character and virtue p 31. The author argues that the special vulnerability of people seeking a pastoral service requires that the pastoral minister have only one concern – to meet the other’s need for ministerial assistance. To mix a personal sexual agenda with this profession is to cross the boundary into unethical behavior.

If a pastoral minister goes wrong on sex, the harm caused is devastating. While sexuality is a good gift for ministry, making people in pastoral ministry alive, energetic, and connecting to others, it can also become a tragic instrument of abuse, exploitation, and disorder p 93.

In his own words the author states that keeping confidence is one of the firmest rules of professional ethics. Ministers he observes have been give a remarkable amount of latitude for defining what qualifies as confidential. Determining what information must be kept confidential is not always easy, the author cited. Thus information is confidential which one person intends another to keep secret and which is shared in the context that make for a good general principle governing professional communication.

How this reviewer is affected by reading Ethics in Pastoral Ministry.

God

As this reviewer reads through this book, it is evident that the Christian community has privilege of experiencing God in his fullness through his covenant of love which he gives through Jesus Christ. In Jesus, God is seen in the condition of what Gula calls enfleshed existence. Human beings are the image of God as declared in Genesis 1:24. Thus our image is reflected in Jesus who is our ultimate norm for what it means to be a person of good character, good morals, and good ethical behavior.

The Christian Life

This book has offered the reviewer a christian ethical framework for reflecting on. This includes the moral responsibility, which this review has on pastoral ministry as a minister. The author has introduced the reviewer to the theological foundations of ethics in pastoral ministry which is to him a profession. These foundations have shaped the reviewers thinking about moral ethical framework that the reviewer should be operating on not only as a Christian but also as a minister of the Word.

Ministry/ Minister

That pastoral ministry is the link between God and humankind, and on the same hand it strengths the mission of Christ in the community of believers. Therefore, a minister should at all times be able to commit himself/herself to the task of the pastoral ministry. Approachable and available to the people that he or she serves. Ministers have to promote and preserve through behavior the way to love God and neighbors. They have also to exhibit a deep commitment to the church and loyalty to its traditions and teachings

The reviewer

That, as a minister, the review has to be good in character. This will explain those that he serves in the ministry who he is. The action the reviewer (minister) perform speaks louder than what he speaks. Therefore, good character will emerge from what he as minister behaves and beliefs.

Pastoral Leadership - What Church Leaders should know.

The meaning of ordination in the context of the general ministry of the Church has been influenced by many biblical ideas and emphasis in different churches. Within the church community, there are persons whose gifts, evidence of God’s grace, and promise of future usefulness are affirmed by the community, and who respond to God’s call by offering themselves in leadership as ordained ministers. Ordination to [apostolic] ministry is a gift from God to the church. In ordination, the church affirms and continues the apostolic ministry through persons empowered by the Holy Spirit. Therefore the church tries to use these gifts and talents by setting apart those called into the ministry. The gifts and the calling are tested by the community at which the individual is going to serve. Not the self called self sent style. (See my article on Ordination)

Servant leaders are called to be effective in meeting the needs of their followers. Hence they are expected to perform at their best. The standard set forth to accessing leadership helps pastoral leaders to focus away from self-serving, domineering leadership and makes those being served to think harder about how to respect value and motivate people reporting to them. I would call this supervised ministry. Although developed in a secular world it is amazing how the same works for religious organization like most hierarchical churches. A minister is a servant leader - this is because he or she leads the followers.

Personally I admire the principles of servant leadership. It is the image of SERVANT with its slave-like connotation- that is problematic and misleading. It is my understanding that servant leadership requires the practice of certain disciplines (habits we practice to please the Lord). These disciplines are key elements of "abiding in Christ.”

Paul, the apostle, exhorted the Ephesians elders in his farewell address: "Keep watch over yourselves and over all the flock, of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God that he obtained with the blood of his own Son" (Acts 20:28). Pastoral ministry is far more than a matter of overseeing programs or supervising an organization. Pastors serve as shepherds overseeing the spiritual progress of persons of sacred worth. If membership in the church is vitally related to the operation of God's grace and our human response of repentance, then pastoral leaders within the church ministry serve as co-­workers with God. They are partners of the Holy Spirit in offering a listening and sensitive heart, counseling, guiding, encouraging, and offering spiritual direction to those in whom God's grace is working for salvation. The work of a shepherd involves both compassionate support and correction offered with love and winsomeness.

These duties, responsibilities (and others not mentioned here) are delineated under a fourfold ministry of the Word, Sacrament, Order, and Service.
The biblical understanding of the pastor as overseer of the church, defines the pastor as the administrative officer of the local church given responsibility to administer the provisions of the Discipline, Doctrine and other teachings of the individual church The appointed pastor in charge has the duty and responsibility to exercise responsible pastoral judgment in determining who may be received into membership of a local church. This applies to most churches that have pastoral leadership model in place. I mean this is consistent with all the churches that follow the biblical image of pastor as overseer.

Bible Study on Matthew Chapter 27

Politics versus Justice and injustice (Matt. 27:1ff)

The narrative does not implicate Pilate alone: the insistent people, blindly following their blind leaders (v. 20; compare 15:14; 23:16), embrace the moral responsibility Pilate seeks to evade. Like Peter, Judas is guilty of apostasy, but unlike that of Peter, Judas's was premeditated. Whereas Peter's remorse leads to repentance, Judas's leads to terminal despair. Even in "repentance," Judas did the wrong thing. If he had gone to his Savoir instead of to the priests, it is possible he might have been forgiven.

The World Ridicules God's Son

Soldiers often taunted captives, and here they mock Jesus' kingship (27:27-31)
The crowds invite Jesus to prove his divine Sonship by escaping the death of the cross (vv. 39-40); thereby they act as Satan's final mouthpieces to turn Jesus from his divine mission (4:3-10; 16:21-23). Christ underwent all the misery and shame here related, that he might purchase for us everlasting life, and joy, and glory.

In the final section of this unit, the religious authorities (at the top of the Jewish social order) and the dying robbers (at the bottom) join the crowds in functioning as Satan's mouthpieces.

Signs at Jesus' death... Jesus Dies Wounded but Trusting His Father (27:45-46). That Jesus utters the complaint of the righteous sufferer (Ps 22:1) suggests that he participated in our ultimate alienation from God in experiencing the pain of death. (Henry’s Concise Commentary)

Joseph of Arimathea: A Rare Wealthy Ally (27:57-61). Yet Joseph here is a disciple of Jesus, a model to be imitated Joseph's own family tomb, fulfilling Isaiah 53:12. Joseph buried Jesus in his own tomb (Mt 27:60). The religious leaders--have quite different motives: they want Jesus to stay buried lest his promises to reign stir hope. They want the whole Jesus movement to stay buried in the tomb. Sealing the stone (27:66) would make it impossible for anyone to enter the tomb and then merely replace the stone. But to guard the sepulchre against the poor weak disciples was folly, because needless; while to think to guard it against the power of God was folly, because fruitless, and to no purpose; yet they thought they dealt wisely (Coffman Commentaries on the Old and New Testament)


Although Jesus has already left the tomb, the stone is not removed until 28:2. Throughout the years critics of Christianity have attacked the empty tomb.

Book Review- The Case For Easter: Lee Strobel.

Lee Strobel. The Case For Easter: Did Jesus of Nazareth really rise from the dead? Michigan: Zondervan Grand Rapids, USA, 1998. pp 96

Lee Strobel was educated in Yale Law School, was the award winning legal editor of the Chicago Tribune and a spiritual skeptic until 1981. He wrote the Gold Medallion Award-winning books The Case for Christ and the Case for Faith as well as the new, The Case for a Creator. Lee Strobel is a former teaching pastor at two of America’s largest churches; he and his wife live in California.In this book Lee Strobel gives a simple journalist investigation on the evidence for resurrection.

On first glance at the first lines of the book, the readers of this book can feel a sense of lostiness as the author develops his argument for resurrection. As a journalist, the author investigates the case for resurrection by interviewing three prominent theologians. However, he brings in different thoughts and believes.The author starts by asserting that over the years skeptics have had different views to discredit the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. He observes that some have the idea that Jesus never died on the cross, but rather fled to India. He also points out that skeptics have over the years believed that Jesus never died but fainted from exhaustion on the cross, therefore his resurrection was not a miracle.

He also points out that other skeptics asserts that Jesus fled to Egypt where he lived as a married man. Finally, Lee Strobel further says that many other non-believers have come up with the theory that Pontius Pilate was bribed to allow Jesus to be taken down from the cross before he was dead. One thing to note here is that all the above theories from skeptics of Christianity have no biblical support.The author continues to investigate on what actually happened at the Crucifixion. He however points out that although it seems that, due to the mysteriously missing body no autopsy has ever been performed. But to argue for resurrection, the author observes that during the flogging, Jesus’ veins were laid bare, and the muscles, sinews and bowels were open. He observes that Jesus underwent what is called hypovolemic, which means he asserts that Jesus was losing a lot of blood. As a result he observes that because of the terrible effects of this beating, there’s no question that Jesus was already in serious to critical condition even before the nails were driven through his hands and feet.

Since this is an investigative book, the author investigates to find out the cause of death. He points out that it was important for him to get to know what claims the life of a crucified victim, to be able to determine whether death can be faked or eluded. He tells his readers that crucified the persons, (As in the case of Jesus) slows down their breathing, the person goes into what is called respiratory acidosis – the carbon dioxide in the blood is dissolved as carbonic acid, causing the acidity of the blood to increase. This he points out leads to irregular heart beat. At this time the author points out Jesus would have known that he was at the moment of death, which he asserts is when he was able to say, “Lord, into your hands I commit my spirit.” The author suggests that Jesus died of cardiac arrest.He (the author) further informs his readers that even before Jesus died, the hypovolemic shock would have caused a sustained rapid heart rate that could have contributed to heart failure, resulting in the collection of fluid in the membrane around the heart, called a pericardial effusion as well as around the lungs, which is called pleural effusion. With this argument the author says that there was absolutely no doubt that Jesus was dead.

In this book the author points out that his death as a will, since Jesus intentionally walked into the arms of his betrayer, he didn’t resist, he didn’t defend himself at his trail – and he says that it was clear that he was willingly subjecting himself to what he knew would be humiliating and agonizing form of torture. Jesus, the author asserts that he knew what was coming, and he was willing to go through it because this was the only way to redeem us.On the question of the missing body the author points out that Christianity without resurrection is simply Christianity without its final chapter. He asserts that resurrection is the supreme vindication of Jesus’ divine identity and his inspired teaching. He further reminds his readers that resurrection is the proof of his triumph over the sin and death, this he points out is the hope of Christianity. The author calls the resurrection the miracle of all miracles.The author observes that throughout history critics of Christianity have attacked the tombStory by pointing out apparent discrepancies purportedly found in the gospels.

The author points out that the gospels agree that the empty tomb was discovered bywomen, who were friends of Jesus, giving a few points for his arguments. First he saysthat the empty tomb is definitely implicit in the early tradition passed by Paul in 1Corinthian 15. Secondly he adds that the site of Jesus’ tomb was known to Christians andJews alike. On the third point the author points out that we can tell from the language,grammar and style that Mark got his empty tomb story from an earlier narrative, andfinally, that the story of the empty tomb is told in its simplicity in Mark.The author sums his investigation by pointing out that the hypothesis that God raised Jesus from the dead is not at all improbable. He assert that based on the evidence, it’s the best explanation for what happened. In fact the author observes that the hypothesis that God raised Jesus from the dead does not contract science or any know facts of experience. All it requires he points out is the hypothesis that God exist.

The reviewer has a few comments and observations to make; If you want to read this book, I would recommend it to you as a good book if you have faith enough to read what critics says about you faith. The author has done a good job by narrating to his readers the story as told to us, but giving details of what cause the death of Jesus. He tries to rule out the idea that Jesus didn’t die thus there was no an empty tomb.A few words of caution; this is a very descriptive book, which paint the whole picture of the agony of Jesus’ last days. If your stomach acts when you read horror and death stories, I recommend that you skip reading this book. But to all students of the bible (theologians I recommend this small book to you.

Healing Trauma- book Summary; Solomon N. Njenga

Solomon Njenga. Healing Trauma: A counseling manual for helping children recover from wounds of ethinic violence.

Solomon is a integrationist counselor, a distinguish university lecture, currently teaching at Kenya Methodist university. Solomon is a practicing minister of the word of God and a true friend to children. Currently Solomon is in the process of pursuing doctoral studies in the UK. He is undertaking a Masters of Arts in African Christianity at Daystar University. He holds a Master of Counseling from Nairobi International School of Theology, A Bachelor of Arts in Bible and Theology from Scott University, and a diploma in photo journalism.

This book is a resource tool in counseling purposely written to address the psychological, emotional, social and spiritual wounds of children affected by ethinic violence in Africa and beyond. This book is a counseling manual for parents, counselors, psychiatrists, conflict and disaster analyst, researchers, church, government officials, helping children recover from wounds of ethinic violence. This book is also useful to teachers and lectures of Institutes of higher learning.

The author start his book by pointing out that trauma is like cancer that is deep seated in the body and soul of innocent children. He discusses the fundamental nature of trauma exhibited by traumatized children affected by ethinic violence. He points out that this kind of trauma creates a psychological, emotional, and psychical shock and despair which overwhelms the child’s ability to cope leaving him/her fearing mutilation, death or annihilation. The author observes that the child may feel emotionally, cognitive, and physically inapt to deal with the situation. This creates the feeling of being betrayed, loss of trust, entrapment, helplessness, pain, confusion and or loss.

The author further points out at counseling children experiencing ethinic related trauma is not an opt to be considered but a command. He states that trauma counseling is a collaborative process which involves the development of unique and confidential act of psychological, emotional, spiritual, and social wounds exhibited by children affected by ethinic violence. The author advices that the counselor should employ these emotional acts for the purpose of healing the child.

Finally the author asserts that spiritual care and counseling is a key area that needs to be addressed. The extend of the violent demands that the child thirst for God’s help. Children like other people wonder why the violence has erupted. The act of wondering why, takes the child to the spiritual life to theology. Children raise questions, which lead them to reflect on loss of fundamental security and or trust in God. As a result the author advices that it is paramount for spiritual caregivers and counselors of traumatized children to seek to given inspirational and goodness about God.

Ordaination - The authors veiw point

As I prepared to read my email yesterday (April 17, 2009), I was astonished to see an email from an old friend of mine who lives in Washington State. He and I met in 1989 in a Theological school. Although both of us are in the US, we have not talked for a long time now. In the email he give me his phone number for me to call him. But he had indicated that he googled my name and found me in the Internet. We discussed many issues among them Ordination. He told me that he was ordained last year (2008) something he was so much excited to share.

After the phone conversation that lasted for a good 43 minutes and 42 seconds, I was left asking myself what is ordination? It leaves the candidate feeling changed and renewed. My own ordination was May 14th, 1994. I could identify with my friend who was full of joy as he shared the experience of ordination. I had no option but to write this short article about ordination.

Considering the role played by the ministry throughout the history of the church, references to ordination are very few in the New Testament. The term itself ORDINATION or its verb ORDAIN, do not occur at all in the Bible. However we have terms like Appoint, Chose etc.

The twelve Disciples of Christ were chosen to be near him and to be send fort to minister. The New Testament uses different names, but all mean the same. Luke uses “Made” however; the most important thing is that Jesus prayed all the night before making his choice though there was no ordination ceremony as we know it.

The evangelist John too refers to an occasion when the risen Christ breathes to them (John 20:22) but this is different from ordination.

After Judas betrayed Jesus, Mathias was chosen to replace him but no ordination mentioned. The disciples cast lots and he was enrolled or numbered with others (Acts 1:26). As seen in many parts of the Old Testament prophets, Kings and others were called directly by God, though same are said to be from work of ministry (Ephesians 4:12), here the word ministry may mean service.

We can here say that the essential thing about ordination is the laying on of hands with prayer because as Paul the apostle puts it in the letter to Timothy (1 Tim 4:14), that “do not neglect the gift you have which was given to you by the prophets, utterances when the council of elders laid hands upon you.”

From this we get three most important points about Paul’s idea of ordination as explained in Timothy, for the appointed servant of God Timothy. First, he was given charisma the spiritual gift needed for the work of ministry. Secondly this came by prophecy and finally, it came with lying on of hands by the elders.

As I conclude these thoughts, it is important to note that the essential thing about ordination is the divine gift which nothing can compensate lack of it. But there is also the outward act, the laying on of hands.

Therefore, I can boldly assert that ordination is a solemn affair and it may be that words “do not" be hasty in the laying on of hands (1Tim 5:22) is a divine gift and an essential rite to set aside an individual for the service of God.

Book Review - Adventures of Evngelism

Rev Gary Paul Lukas. Adventures of Evangelism. USA: Xulon Press, 2006. 246 pp.

Rev. Gary Paul Lukas is former chaplain of Broadway. His other published works include: Into the Highway and Hedges, Seven Years in Sodom a biography. Gary has over thirty years of experience in the ministry of witnessing in the most situations imaginable. Gary is a trained church usher. In this book Gary tries to bring Christians into the walk of faith. He points out in this book that Christian life is a life of adventure as one trust God and sees Him in action. Gary is a veteran in evangelism, a veteran who won’t retire.

In this book the author opens with the argument that there is no visible witnesses of the church of Christ who are ready to make a stand on their faith. He is quick to point out that the reason why the church is silent or absent is because evangelism is not a priority. The author is aware that the world intimidates the average Christian and a host of unfounded fears are planted in the hearts of believers. The author makes an appeal by pointing out that if the church allows the enemy to continue to have his way, she (the church) will not be the Salt and the Light of the community.

According to the author Christians are to take the gospel out in warfare, and the gospel weapon which places Christians on the offensive. He asserts that Christians should work hard to see that as many Christians as possible are liberated from the tyranny sins which hold them captive. The author uses his chaplaincy skills by pointing out that, to be successful it will always require that someone pray and then determine to do something regardless of how little or big. He (the author) advices Christians to stop complaining and work with what they have, build from there, be faithful and see what God can accomplish through them.

Since this is a book about evangelism, the author uses the skills of evangelism to teach his readers the rules and goals to evangelism. He further points out that “we are called to be faithful witnesses and available to serve him anyway he may lead us." On this point the author continues to advice that every Christian should be as clear in starting the vision. He asserts that faithfulness is import in accomplishing what God has called one to do. The author cautions his fellow Christians that they are not responsible for the obedience of those they are evangelizing, but are responsive for their own obedience. He observes that many pastors are wary of irresponsible evangelists and incidents occur.

In this book the author tries to reach the church by advising that instead of the efforts being directed at those out of the church, the church may find that her message may also be for those in the church. He points out that more and more in the day, the message of repentance and turning to Christ as Lord and Savior is definitely needed inside the church walls. He observes that there is more compromise on the side of Christians and most Christians cease walking in holiness before the Lord and fall prey to the deceptions of the enemy. He further observes that today it is shocking to hear time and time again of falling away from the grace of God, church leaders and the many things Christians are involved in. The author asks a rhetoric question as to why Christians and pastors hold the same opinions, goals in life, and loose standards of morality?

As the author narrates his story of how the church should live to be the Light of the World, he is faced with the challenge of highlighting to his readers, whom he assumes are all Christians, a few pathways to follow during evangelism. One he want his readers to realize that they are to be successful but notes that it may take a long time, by which time he points out that someone has to pay the price. Secondly he advices that his readers have to be prayerful as they make their choice. Thirdly, he points out that they have to be purposeful and communicate to others who may wish to help or join. Finally he points out that the purpose/goals set forth will more clearly help one to define what specific ways one can get involved in the ministry.

The author seems to have traveled around the world in the name of evangelizing. He narrates his experience in the United Kingdom where he has been witnessing. In page 70 the author gives his encounter with a guy that he was witnessing to and he assures him that he has come all the way to London from US for him. While this statement may not be true, he quickly advices his readers that, if you are like many Christians who want to witness but do not know where to start, simply go where the people are. This explains why he had to make the statement above. He further suggests to his readers that they should look for places where people congregate and where they will get the audience is they want to evangelize.

In this book the author is aware of cultures and sub-cultures which he acknowledges that have barriers and every evangelist should recognize. He asserts that in evangelism these cultures can not be ignored but the gospel should be presented to them too. He points out that every culture must surrender to the authority of Christ.

In several pages of this book, the author becomes intentionally historical to outline some of the culture and traditions that can become a hindrance to the gospel. He narrates the International events in New Orleans US, The Carnivals, Carnival of the Caribbean, Carnival in the Anguilla a small island west of Puerto Rico, The Carnival of the Trinidad, and the celebrations in Europe among others. The author points out that God is grieved with the sin so publicly accepted in America and other societies mentioned above. He advices his Christian readers that one should take time to keep aware of what is occurring of influencing people in the community.

The author has taken a lot of time in explaining himself and the history behind his argument. However, it is the opinion of this reviewer that the author would have taken more time to explain in details of the adventures of evangelism, and taken less time and pages with the historical events. This reviewer suggests that it were better for the author of this book to write a second volume of the events and show how they become a hindrance to evangelism. The historical events narrated in this small book, especially the Carnivals are import to know but only if they follow with the author’s thoughts.

In conclusion the author prays for his readers, and hopes that they have been challenged in their hearts to take to gospel of Jesus Christ to the whole world. The review hears these words in a personal way, having read and taken time to review this small book. The reviewer recommends this book to all pastors, evangelists and those Christians who have the burden of spreading the word of God to the nations. In reading this book, the review better understand the theme and the argument the author is presenting. The reviewer feels that this is an important book to have on ones shelve. I value this book for its examples and teaching that it exposes to its readers. The reviewer personally knows the author and will make some suggestions for a later edition.

Chapter Five- Helping Families Cope with Bereavement

Whenever a family member dies, there is a process that a healthy family undergoes in response to the loss of one of their own. After the death of one of the family members the family needs to get itself back into the rhythm and balance that was lost when the family member died. When we consider bereavement, we usually think in terms of separate individual grief, rather than thinking of it as a thing for the whole family. When someone dies a whole family has lost someone. Many times families are not aware of what they are doing. During the loss of a family member, individuals mourn differently depending on who has lost whom. The death of a spouse will alter in some way the survivor’s relationship. On the one hand children lose so much when siblings die. When they lose their brother or sister, they lose their family as they know it. The loss is profound. Brothers and sisters share a special bond. On the other hand, death of a parent is one of the most difficult experiences of lifetime. For children left behind after the death of a
parent, it shifts responsibilities onto their own shoulders. And as we shall see in this chapter, the death of a child is an ordeal so traumatic that for many parents, it is profoundly painful. It throws many parents off balance.

Whether it comes suddenly or slowly, early or late, violently or serenely, the death of a loved one changes one’s world in a way that nothing else can. In a family setting the mourning families often have difficulty finding any of their own to validate each other’s feelings. At a bereavement meeting, we met a woman who was grieving the death of her mother. One day she made a mistake of crying in front of her sister. “What’s wrong with you?” her sister asked. Mourning does not have a timetable and individuals can mourn and grief for different lengths of time. One’s response, however, of the death of a parent will of course be influenced by a number of factors. The young woman in this case might have had strong relationship with her mother; for that reason she mourned the longest. According to Rando, the importance of the loss will be determined by the meaning of the relationship and the roles the parent played in one’s life at the time of death (1988, 137). These include the loss related to social expectations of the parent – the social roles and functions that the diseased played and expect to play in the future in his or her family, and in society at large, in addition to the simple unexpectedness of someone young dying before the older one (Kagan1998, 130). With all these complexities of the family, how do
we help the entire family deal with bereavement?

When a member of a family is dead, the whole family suffers the same profound loss at the same time. Acute grief disables all in the family. But, though particular styles of response are different, all are undone. Grief cuts all the family members at the knees, drains and depletes all. No one has power left to help the other. In the same family, one can see the other sinking, but no one is there to help for it is like all are drowning and none can help. Rosof points out that, “how one deals with loss of a family member is influenced by gender and the family that one grew into” (1994, 93). Men deal with grief different than woman.

Whatever the case may be, there is nothing like a good death in the family to bring out the best in humans. Thus, when there is a death in the family, the family needs to be looked after. Their emotional needs- needs to be taken care of; attention to them as mourners needs to be addressed. Many families at the time of loss want to feel noticed, protected, loved, and even are surprised by how caring people can be in terms of help. They need to receive flowers from friends, and neighbors. They need hugs of love and comfort. On many occasions they need many, they need thoughts to support them in planning for the funeral and after. Even those families that neither seek nor desire outside assistance find solace and strength when it is offered. according to Lightner, the majority of the help is offered in the beginning. Immediately after the death and for a few weeks following the funeral, friends can be exceptionally sensitive and giving. Flowers, food, phone calls, fond reminiscences, and, above all the mere presence of other people
are profoundly consoling. They convey the message that others recognize the depth of the loss, understand how difficult the adjustment is and want to help. This is something mourners are grateful to receive (Lighter 1990, 40).

When the whole family is in bereavement, it is a needy time. As mourners they are vulnerable in the extreme. Many things need to be done in the family, and yet the world has crashed on them. By the death of a loved one in the family, everything in life has been shattered. It is at this time that the family requires someone to call them and acknowledge the death of their loved one. Although they are individuals alone in their grief, personally affected, talking and sharing, and allowing other people inside their hearts as they mourn and grief, can lessen pain. Calling, and dropping by, are some of the ways that help can be given to family member at the time of loss. Tokens or flowers or cards pack have a lot of meaning to the bereaved family. One does not need to say much. An other important thing to do during bereavement is sharing. As Anders contends, families and friends who stay open, sharing their feelings whether hot or cold, trust each other more readily and survive losses with less guilt or ambivalence than families living with barriers (Sanders 1992, 203). Lightner agrees with Sanders when she points out that most mourners supremely touched when friends share stories about the deceased with them (Lightner1990, 46). Grief shared is grief diminished.

What most mourners seek is an indication that they will live through this sorrow, and that other people understand and sympathize. We need to know that as friends to those mourning, about whom we really care, there are easy ways to show them that we love them. We need to provide practical help. One can offer to go to the dry cleaner’s or wash the car. Bringing food is a custom that still serves today. It should be encouraged for the bereaved family will not have time to cook for themselves and the visitors coming to the family. Offering to cook food and bring it to the family is positive support. Attending the funeral service counts. It is support to the family. Many mourners have been incalculably moved by large turned at the funeral day. It makes a difference to the mourner to know that other people share their grief. And it is good to know that one’s loved one affected the lives of so many others. One can walk, share meals, or help the mourner clean out the garage. One’s presence matters. Many bereaved people spend a great deal of time alone; they dwell in grief, fear, and despair. During those empty hours and days, nothing is more soothing than the presence of an understanding friend. However, some people may want to be alone for them to process what is going on in their lives. Or they may wish to be speared the necessary of talk. One can continue to call weeks and months after the death. That’s
when many people begin to disappear into the ether, and that’s often when contact is most appreciated. One should ask if there is anything to be done to help. “Or do you want to talk?” Sometimes by asking a question help in clarifying the need.

One should touch the mourner to keep connected. Sometimes just a pat on the shoulder, back or a hug is all that is needed. It means a lot because the person in mourning often is touch deprived. Widows and widowers certainly feel this deprivation, but so do people who lose children – especially if the are single parents. If one is a single mother, physical touch is so important. To have someone there to hug the mourner, to put an arm around the shoulders or to touch the mourner’s hand, is extremely comforting. As the touching continues, let the mourner speak. This time of holding and letting the mourner speak helps them vent what is inside of them. It may be frustrations, anger, hopelessness, depression, and they may be desperate. Actually sitting in the kitchen and listening to someone who is bereaved can be helpful. When someone you love is mourning, it is kindness to listen, even if you have heard the story before. If the mourner
brings up the subject of the deceased or the death, it is always advisable to listen without
changing the topic even though it may churn up a lot of feelings. It may mean tears and lamentation, anguish, guilt, and inconsolable sorrow.

One should let the family or individual mourning know that you are available at anytime they need you. You may leave you phone numbers with them so that when they need you, it will not be difficult for them to get in touch with you. This is because most mourners when left alone, and especially at the middle of the night, they feel the need of human contact. It has been observed that during mourning time most visitors who come to comfort the mourners ask specific questions about the deceased. Don’t barrage them with such questions, especially if they are not volunteering to share with you. Don’t criticize the mourners’ actions either. Don’t also impose your ideas about how long grief ought to last. Your role as far as grieving is concerned is to support. Clichés are not allowed as comments. Most people will, indeed, feel better as time goes by. Don’t say something like “You will get over this soon.” Don’t impose your spiritual beliefs on
people when they mourn.

One should not compare personal grief if one has had any with those that are grieving at the moment. Similarly do not diminish the grief a person is feeling by pointing out that things could be worse. One should not say that the bereaved should be grateful because the death was swift or the person was old. Age does not diminish grief. Do not say that other people have suffered more or that life is better where the deceased is. Comments like this only force the mourners, at the moment when they may be suffering the worst loss of their entire lives, to agree that things aren’t so bad. That may make one feel better. It makes them feel manipulated and unrecognized. Above all remember the reason for being around a person who is recently bereaved. If one can’t bear to be around a griever, he or she should send notes. The only one thing you need to remember is to be compassionate.

Looking at the future with positive thoughts is like closing a wound hence the process of healing. The scar may be visible and may be permanently there, but eventually the wound has healed. In the author’s community where was born and raised, in Africa, there are rituals and ceremonies that bring the bereaving person to a new beginning. Friends and neighbors meet at the family of the deceased after the funeral, and symbolically drive away the spirit of death in the family. In this case the ritual is to separate the living and the death and to give assurance to the living that they have to continue with life positively. This becomes a bridge to the future whereby the living are left to continue their lives with a new hope. The very fact that they begin to have thoughts of a future leads them to a fledgling feeling of hope. This marks the beginning of being able to look
back past the tragic events of the death to see the happy memories that the living had with the loved ones before death attacked. A more realistic view replaces the idealistic one that helps them through the earlier phases of bereavement. An idealistic view works very well for the bereaved when they need balance for their ambivalent feelings (Sanders 1992, 101). This brings about grace, comfort, and peace. It signals that the end is not here yet. Contentment about the past and hope for the future accompany acceptance. In author’s community as said earlier, the living have a strong sense of belief that they will reconnect with their loved ones already departed, “The living Dead.”[1] Sanders further points out that once we are able to finally think in these terms, we are ready to move on to the final stage of grief, that of renewal ( 1992, 101).

In his book, Transition, William Bridges says of new beginnings that we come to beginning only at the end. He writes, “it in is the ending and the time of fallow neutrality is finished that we can launch ourselves out new, changed and renewed by the destruction of the old life-phase and the journey through the nowhere” (1998, 19).We have discussed so far the different stages that people go through when they are faced with tragic news of the death of a loved one. Among them are anger, coping mechanism, and confusion. Kubler - Ross acknowledges that the one thing that usually persists through these stages is hope (Kubler 1969, 148). Hope builds transcendence[2] which most mourners need to the rebuild in order to restore their lives to “normalcy.” They find a new normalcy, one that has a greater quality. They are growing, and will continue to grow, beyond the person they were at the time of death. Moody points out that people who transcend beyond the death of their pain begin to feel elevated above their former selves. They become stronger, kinder to self and others, and more appreciative of life (Moody 2001, 134). The living should be responsible for their lives and destiny. After death of a loved one, we cannot in any way escape loneliness nor be totally free. After death the living are all alone anyway; thus they have to learn a certain amount of independence; otherwise they will be overwhelmed by fear and uncertainty when loneliness became the order of everyday. Whereas most survivors become better human beings, the area that causes most trouble for many mourners is lack of emotional

independence. They fear their own mortality, suffer from prolonged stress, or grief-prone personality types. In her book Surviving Grief, Sanders asserts, “We must eventually learn to focus on positive aspects of our newfound freedom. In the beginning of grief, this need is hard to see. Like everything else in the process of bereavement, it takes a long to come into focus. We usually have to confront our loneliness, meaninglessness, emptiness, guilt, and isolation to realize that we won’t be overcome by them. After the confrontation we become more stronger and freer.” (Sanders 1992, 107). Sascha in her poem adapted from “We need to Walk Alone” (1990) clearly explains how recovery can be sort:

And does the bitter grief
Keep you awake-
Look at it full
As you would look
Into avalanche
Sweeping your life away-
Look at the bitter grief
With conscious eyes,
As you looked on death.
And telling your brooding sorrow
Yea, you know - that death demands
Unwavering attention.
Do not avoid that truth
Your mind repeats, repeats -
And then there comes a truth
Beyond the truth …
(No, do not turn away)

Into your bitterness love finds a way

To give you comfort.

And yes, your heart will hear
The sun when night has ended.

Sascha

Whether one is healthier and happier or weaker and sicker and sadder depends on many things that we may not be able to discuss in this paper. But mostly the way one handles grief and does grief work determines how long the process is going to take. In other words, what one believe about recovering from grief will in large measure determine what one can reasonably expect. Rando says that in grieving work total recovery or resolution of mourning, in the sense of completely and permanently finishing it and never being troubled by some measure of loss, is a false goal and usually does not occur (Rando 1988). When the work of mourning is finished, the reality of death is accepted. And recovery would mean living with loss and adjusting to life accordingly.

Catherine Sanders (1992) gives action to take for a bright future:Don’t be afraid to continue talking about your beloved person, even though much time has now passed since the death. You have every right to include your memories as a healthy part of your new life.

Continue to maintain a health and physical fitness regimen, eating well and exercising. You will have more energy as you move out into a new world that, hopefully, will become a way of life.

Realize that you have changed. Don’t let others try to put you back into old roles, and be especially aware of your own susceptibility to reengaging them. This will take constant vigilance. When you fell guilty over something you feel you should do, be wary. This is first sign that pressure is being applied. Head it off quickly. Comb your consciousness for any unfinished business you may not have completed with the deceased. Now is the time to deal with it, either in a small or “homemade” ritual or by talking it over with a trusted friend. Don’t harbor
unfinished sequences inside yourself.
As you move into your new found identity, allow personal restrictions to ease. If you worry, feel a sense of freedom as you do it. Being outrageous is fun sometimes. Plan a ritual to end you grief whenever you feel ready. Instead of being anticlimactic after this length of time, it is most appropriate. Few rituals are offers for grief in the first place. Try to recount some of the gains that have come to you during you bereavement a new found friend, development of more compassion for others, a new skill or interest. Tallying the gains will help you to offset some of the negative memories. Accept that you feel lonely at times. Loneliness is part of the transition of grief. You will miss the roles you used to occupy and will long for things to be the same again. Acknowledge the loneliness until it passes.

[1] John S. Mbiti in his book African Philosophy describe the departed as living dead who will reunite with the living in the future. John Mbiti is an African Philosopher with strong believes of the life hereafter.
[2] Transcendence is a spiritual rebirth, which requires stepping in the deepest valley of sorrow.

Chapter Four- When the Curtain Closes

When death has occurred, often it is difficult to understand the behavior of the bereaved family. Most people cry all the time, others think deep about the dead person and sometimes feel sad. Others still become irritable on the anniversary of a loved one. Maria, whose husband died while she was only thirty-two years old, questioned her own sanity. We are left wondering why the dead have such a hold on the living. The person is gone yet, he or she is still very much a part of the living’s life. Psychologists have engaged themselves in the study of reaction to death. Elizabeth Kubler - Ross points out that the first stage can be denial. The act of denial means that individuals push the idea out of there head as absurd, ludicrous, something that cannot be happening to someone known to them. Denial she points out, needs to be bad. It may even free people to act (1977, 36). Many people function as if they are in a dream. Others go through certain motions, carried along by events. It may be necessary to deny a reality that one is not
ready to acknowledge. Denial, then, has its uses. It gives us time to readjust our thoughts.

Many people become preoccupied with everything that happened the last few days before death. They look for omens, small signs that fore show the death. Many still seek a way to make death part of a pattern. This allows many to restore some order to the world turned upside down. All these responses are perfectly in accord with the normal response of most people when they experience death.

After denial, many people find themselves in a state of depression. Nothing seems to work. The curtain has closed. Hope is gone. No longer can loved ones see him/her again. Depression persists. Many become detached from reality. According to Robert, depression can be based on real or imaginary concerns (1978, 46). When depression persists the mourner may seek professional counseling help. Depression though is a normal stage for the mourner

As discussed earlier in this chapter four, the bereaved persons have questions that may contain all the anger, rage, despair, and frustration that is contained in the secular “Why me? What will happen to me when life ends? What has my life meant?” Which may also be addressing the question of faith. These are inherently issues of the spirit, not issues for the biology or chemistry. Looking at the “why me” question, there is rage against God for allowing death to happen. Or there may be a strong sense of disappointment. The bereaved family or individual may feel that he or she has observed her/his religious life all her/his life and now she or he is abandoned and cheated of the reward she or he expected. Religion is often identified with adherence to a part-
icular set of institutionalized belief systems and for some it has suggestions of the super-
natural. Religion itself plays an important part in the lives of Americans. A Gallup government Census 2001) poll found that 95% of those surveyed believed in God; 68% indicate they were members of a religious institution, and 44% had attended in the past seven days. About 58% of those polled said religion was very important in life. It is at this time that pastoral care to the person or and family is necessary. Survivors have a strong need to search for meaning. They are trying to understand something they cannot understand. One should recognize and understand that their search is justified and necessary ( Kubler - Ross 1980, 154). We may need to ask, what is pastoral care?. Pastoral care is communication of the word of God/Creator or the Supreme. It springs from the living Word of God given to the church. Pastoral care means and is care for the souls of man. Therefore man is the object of pastoral care.

Spirituality is an expression of how the person relates to a larger whole that which an individual perceives as greater than him or herself. The nature of this transcendent purpose can be expressed in different way. It can be expressed through a religious tradition or, perhaps, through a regard for nature. For other persons it may be expressed through connection to the other human family itself or in some other way. Spirituality provides a source of meaning and understanding about the significant of being human. It address the question “Why am I here?” An expression of spirituality can occur without any specific religious belief. Death in most cases shatters conception of the world. Many people feel an insistent hunger for understanding. Why did this happen? By seeking explanations, whether practical o spiritual, we attempt to reduce the terror of loss and reach some inner resolution about it. The pastoral caregivers duty is to make sense of the world.

Buckman asserts, “to support a bereaving family or individuals in their spiritual understanding of death, various things should be put in consideration” (1988, 24). The pastor should decide if he/she is close enough to approach the topic. A person’s/ family’s feelings about religious beliefs are very important and intimate. A pastor or counselor should not open a discussion with the bereaved family about them unless he/she is close to them. Pastoral counselors should remember to be sensitive. They tread delicately as they handle the issue at hand (Death). One should try to decide if bad theology is doing harm to the bereaved family or individuals. This also requires sensitivity and a readiness to listen without leaping to premature judgment or condemnations. If the pastor cannot decide whether or not the family is being helped and supported by their religious beliefs then, he/she should get help. The patient may find a discussion with a chaplain, social worker, and psychotherapist helpful. The pastor should do not take the lead in what the discussion is all about. Honor the family choice. This is not time to impose one’s theology on others. If the family’s religious beliefs happen to differ from the pastors beliefs, as long as they work for them, he/she should honor and support them. Being there and listening is the role of a pastoral caregiver.

One should note that as the pastor gives pastoral support to the family, difference in religious beliefs may sometimes appear to be so fundamental and so divisive that communication is threatened. No religion has a monopoly on truth and morality or has all the answers to life’s questions. So when a family is dealing with death, the pastoral caregiver should be looking at the practical value of the family’s religion as they practice it. The most sincere compliment mourning families can receive is to be listened to without judgment. The pastoral caregiver should take time to be sensitive to the inner need. It makes no difference how often they tell the story, what their faith is, or how much it varies. It is in the involvement of replaying events – struggling to understand and accept within their frame of reference. The pastoral caregiver may not need to speak about faith, or God, but to just be present and listen. Kubler-Ross points out that once the
patient dies, she find it cruel and inappropriate to speak the love of God (1996, 156). Abraham in his book The Art of Listening with Love says, listening to others in a loving, attentive way can transform them and their relationships, and help the speaker to feel better understood (1998, 89).

During the intense last few weeks of life, the physician not only cares for the patient, but often for the spouse and other family. However, after the patient has died, the family continues to need contact from the physician and to a large scale other medical staff. A physician’s responsibility for the care of a patient does not end when the patient dies. There is one more responsibility, to help the bereaved family members. This, however, takes a lot of toll from the physician and his/her staff. Earl observes that “watching patients deteriorates and die in their prime is emotionally draining” (1992 75 ). Kubler – Ross echoes the same thoughts when she says that, “clergy have only recently regained some meaning, some entry, and some role. The clergy deserves a significant place not only in helping the dying patient but in serving as a resource to the patient’s family and, hopefully, to the physician or to other health professionals who are troubled by the burden placed on their shoulders” (1975 14). How then do we take care of the medical staff as they work in such a stressful surrounding? On the other hand, patients who suffer damage at the hands of their physicians often seek compensation through malpractice suits, and physicians and hospitals view such suits as perhaps the only outcomes to be earnestly avoided, than the errors from which they presumably arise. Defensive[1] medicine, in which physicians make treatment decisions not strictly on the basis of what is best for the patient but also in part on the basis of what, will establish the most defensible record of physician behavior.

The other important factor to consider is the common cause of patients or and relatives being dissatisfied with the medical care providers, gap in communication. communication sometimes just gets off on the wrong foot. Considering that the medical care team is expected to provide the best care, they are only part of the team. Patients and family need to make the medical care team understand the needs of the patients so that the right care can be administered.

The increasing cases of medical caregivers breakdown ( Lack of proper communication, because of emotional drain), the spiritual and emotional care that the clergy can provide may significantly affect how the medical team is adversary going to be effective. Spiritual caregivers not only work with patients but also with staff who need support. An objective spiritual team should be able to identify or foresee potential problems among the medical staff and act quickly. The emotional and spiritual needs of the teams need to be addressed by professionals in the area, it is important to remember that the medical caregivers will themselves require spiritual support. The ability of team members properly to minister over the long term may depend on how much they are cared for themselves.

Grief is something silent, like snowflakes falling on a dark winter’s night, but never peaceful or serene or pretty like the pure white snow. When grief is silent, the tears seem to turn to ice, like the snowflakes, before the reach they eyes. Bereavement is sometimes raging, like a monstrous thunderstorm with all its fury and bolts of lightning sticking the hearts of the bereaved family. Bereavement[2] is complex and many people are frightened by it, frightened by feeling it, frightened by seeing it in others (Lighter 1990, 205). It takes time to get over the death of a loved one. On bereavement Kagan points out that, “grief reactions are more introverted reactions, similar to bereavement. This is characterized by more extroverted reactions, similar to mourning” (1998, 91– 92). Bereavement refers to the general state of one who has suffered loss and includes both grief and mourning. Grieving therefore is the work of coming to terms with the fact with the fact that the loved is dead.

Immediately after the death of a loved one, especially if the death was unexpected, the bereaved cannot simply face the loss all alone. As discussed at the beginning of this chapter, many people have periods of denial. Offering bereavement support is a task that has to be done in order for the bereaved to be successful in adjusting to the loss. Readjusting to the new world without the loved one takes a great patience and much practice. It is achieved painfully step- by step, as one gradually continues to come to grips with that person not being in one’s life as he was before. However, recovery from bereavement can only be partial, never complete: Many things are lost, many things are changed for both better and worse they are never the same (Shuchter 1998, 298).Rando agrees with this view when he points out that, “If the person you lost was truly significant to you, grief is not usually resolved in the sense of being finished and completely settled forever” (1984, 225).

When a loved one is dead, the severing family will have to find a way to make up for what is lost through death (The love one).They either compensate in some way for what they have lost or their desire for what they wanted or needed, that now is unfulfilled. The bereaved must confront the reality of their loss and learn to cope successfully with the onslaught of feelings that naturally accompany loss. The bereaved must achieved some balance that allows them to experience their pain, sense of loss loneliness, fear, anger, guilt, and sadness. It is true that during the early weeks of one’s grief, when the realization of loss has come true, it is accompanied by painful emotions; the bereaved are usually in such a state of mental and emotional upheaval that questions of acceptance barely occur in them. As a result, the bereaved have to change emotional investment in the deceased and accommodate to the fact of not being there. It means that the emotional energy that one had invested in the deceased is readjusted to allow one to direct it towards others who can reciprocate it in an ongoing fashion for emotional satisfaction (Rando 1984, 230).

Psychologically, we are incapable of relinquishing all the bonds, connections, and ties that are a part of our most intimate relationships. While at the hospital as a chaplain, was called to give emotional support to a woman who had lost her husband of forty years. The first words that she said were, “how am I going to get along without him?” The bereaved person must be emotionally prepared to live with an altered relationship with the dead spouse. The woman in this case was not prepared emotionally. While many of the bereaved continue their relationships with family and friends in much the same way after their spouses’ death, it is difficult to imagine a situation where no change occurs (Shuchter 1986, 302). Learning to live alone or feeling alone after the death of a loved one is part of the process of death


There are a number of signs, which can signal that different people need professional help in their bereavement. This is always dependent upon the unique characteristics of the particular griever, the specific death and what it means to the griever and the social and Physical factors influencing the mourner’s grief. Ross Betsy, says that to help the grievers accomplish it is being willing to listen to their story over and over. We desperately need the help of friends in getting through bereavement. Human beings are not animals and they need the support of people who love them and accept ups and down. Bender contends that friends can help those who have lost a loved one simply by acknowledging the importance of their grief. Friends of the bereaved can offer support in a number of ways (Bender 1998 123). `

As with other aspects of bereavement and grief, the answer is extremely personal. Some people find solace in work or play; others seek out companions; still others withdraw for a while. Each of these responses to loss makes sense to some degree. We need companionship. We need solitude. Ultimately, we must return to the outside world and all its complex ways of involving us. Some people, on experiencing the confusion that often follows a death, seek counseling or therapy to help them deal with their situation. Unfortunately some people dismiss the possibility out of hand. However most people who seek therapy during bereavement are dealing with at least issue of death.

Therapy during the grief process serves much the same purposes as it does under other circumstances. It allows one to express emotions. It provides a place for clarifying problems and exploring possible solutions. Therapists have many methods of helping clients deal with bereavement. One-to- one is often helpful during the grief process. Our concern however is what is referred to bereavement group. Myers in his book When Parent Die calls them grief workshop, bereavement seminars, mourning clinics, (1986). Despite their numerous titles, these groups all provide some form of group therapy or consciousness-raising; some stress self-help and are a form of peer counseling. Most are organized groups. Candlelighters is a non profit organization with emphasis on promoting an emotional support system to each other (Donnelly 1984, 240).The bereavement group does in fact seem to provide the safe place in which those grieving want to participants in the group will find themselves able to feel and express what has seemed embarrassing or even forbidden elsewhere.

Just as hospice care often meets special needs of the dying, the bereavement support groups meet special needs of the bereaved. In addition, bereavement groups often serve a function beyond that of one-to-one therapy, to provide a sense of common experience and support among people going through substantial changes in their lives. If one has

been fortunate enough to know those who have had successful experiences in treatment in the past, a personal referral is always the best to have. Profession organizations, on the other hand, are the next option. Rando advise that family service agencies, hospitals, community service programs, mental health clinics, and college or university counseling centers are among other resources one could turn to for the name of professionals servicing a specific area (Rando 1988, 308).

These organizational structures by professionals are created to address the multiple levels of need as it is experienced by the bereaved. The group should meet once a week to share stories and listen to one another. Like many other support groups, this group should operate as a forum for examining bereaved experiences. The smaller the group the better for individuals, for they will feel free to speak or only listen. The small group will serve as an entry to the larger the organization. However, the focus of this group is to understand and cope with their experiences, and their efforts to provide support and reassurance to each other. According to Myers, “All we do is to create a safe place for people to express whatever they feel during their grief. We set it up so that people can responds in a way that will be helpful to them” (1986, 34). When such a group is set, the focus will be oriented to the emotional turmoil of the members. In the author’s parish ministry several years ago, he was part of a ministers’ team that had created a senior single mothers fellowship. The group met once a month to talk about issues that they face
as mothers caring for a family without the prospect of marrying. Members of this group showed great respect for the pain that each experienced as a single mother, and the need to talk about such feelings as sexual orientation were open. Like in bereavement group, themes initiated by one person’s internal stress were developed throughout the group. As a minister facilitator there is no problem of bringing people in the sport light by asking questions or asking them to contribute, they responded to each other positively. Shuchter points out that, “even in bereavement group, the therapist’s task is like that of a facilitator, although this task is frequently assumed by other members of the group” (1986, 330). Together the group came up with positive way of living right.

These groups can be wonderfully therapeutic in assisting each individual in them in mourning. They do not, however, replace in-depth professional assistance if is warranted, but they are uniquely supportive. They encourage, provide important information and accurate norms, and transmit advice, concrete guidance, and practical suggestions for dealing with bereavement. Schuchter observes that, “to be determined is the relative therapeutic efficacy of support groups in contrast to individual therapy for the bereaved” (1986, 332). When one is determined to deal with bereavement, Rando agrees with Schuchter by asserting that, “this can be quite helpful, since there are few sources of information in our society about how to be a mourner. Further he says that these groups can offer one the added benefits of opportunities to assist others. He further says, this helps one to break out of the passive victim’s role of bereavement. As a member of these groups one can get the unconditional acceptance and feelings of belonging that other members of the society may withhold the from the bereaved individual ” (1988, 311). See
Appendix 1.

[1] Treatment administered to the comfort of the patient.
[2] Bereavement is the state of being deprived after a love one’s death.